Parenting With Design
teaches us to
diagnose the situation rather than the
person. For example, if a child is displaying Anger,
we start by examining the child's relationship with each family member. We then work to
change these interactions, and miraculously it seems,
the problem child responds by changing her behavior. Clearly,
adults are placed in the driver's seat by virtue of their new insights. Once you know
Parenting With Design
you'll appreciate the
absurdity of trying to 'prepare' one youngster
for the arrival of a sibling; the ridiculousness
of telling a child that you don't 'like' the way she's behaving,
but that you still 'love' her; and the
tremendous injustice of being cut off from a Prime Love Giving
parent because of a divorce.
Since their
true feelings are tapped, children respond by softening
their attitudes toward adults. They become more compliant and reasonable. They are less Angry with
their parents and society, have better judgment and develop more stable personalities. As siblings,
they grow up to be good friends, rather than adult siblings
who despise each other.
The ideas described here represent a radical departure from current practices in psychology. Dominating the field today are Behavioral and Cognitive-Behavioral methods, and in the past, Freudian Psychoanalysis.
Rather than start with
animals as the Behaviorists did, or from
mental illness as Freud did, Parenting With Design unravels normal human development. For the first time in history, life is understood and explained from a child's point of view, and the gap between adult and child feeling and thinking patterns is bridged. Most important of all the subject of Favoritism, a critical factor for child psychology has been opened up for scrutiny.
Moreover, never before in psychology has a division in parenting roles been proposed.
Children clearly perceive that their parents take on two different roles. One parent
is their Prime Love Giver, or PLG, and the other is their Auxiliary Love Giver, or
ALG.
Therapists have always insisted that parenting roles are equal
Yet in
Parenting With Design
the PLG/ALG division of
roles among parents
is as momentous a discovery as the unearthing of Favoritism.
A note about language.
In this text the words 'man' and 'mankind' are replaced with the generic terms 'human', 'human being', and 'humankind'.
Also, pronoun references to males and females are used interchangeably.
Vera Rabie offers parenting help for new parents in Toronto
